Making New Friends . . . Or Not

(It's 3:00 a.m. and I should be asleep; unfortunately, I think my bio-rhythms have finally figured out that I've been tricking them for the past couple days. So, as long as I'm up, I might as well tell you about my adventures in making new friends (or not) this evening. A word of caution: I'll have to cut this short if I get that phone call that Hillary Clinton warned us about.)

So, for awhile tonight, I was the most popular guy on Nanjing Road East.

It had been an awfully full day. If you've been following my tweets (I'm sure I've never used that phrase in a sentence before), you know that I bummed a ride with Governor Daniels early this morning (technically, I guess, yesterday morning as I write this) and headed over to the Shanghai World Financial Center for the second day of "Greentech: A Call to Action" -- a summit on clean tech issues sponsored by the American Chamber of Commerce in Shanghai and others. (You can read more about that in a separate blog post I'll put up, probably sometime after I take a nap today).

I went straight from the conference to the "Friends of Indiana" reception here at the hotel. Yes, the name aptly describes the event. Folks with a connection to our great state joined our delegation for some good old fashioned gripping and grinning (for some, the connection may simply have been the open bar and good hors d'oeuvres; they were gripped and grinned at nonetheless).

Anyway, as the reception wound up, I decided I needed to do some shopping for my two daughters. While others headed out to dinner, I headed to the concierge to get a recommendation for where to shop. "Bao Da Xiang Children's Store," came the reply -- a store just a short cab ride from the hotel in the midst of a shopping district. I knew this area had to be the place when I looked at the map the concierge gave me: the primary landmark marked on Nanjing Road East was "No. 1 Department Store." Hard to argue with that.

The cab ride took 10 minutes and cost 12 yuan -- about two bucks US. The streets were bustling as I hopped out of the cab and walked a block over to Nanjing Road East. It's a wide pedestrian mall, with ornate historic facades interspersed with sleek modern buildings lit up like the Las Vegas strip. As I stood in the street, looking at the card from the hotel and up at the signs, it occurred to me that reading Mandarin would have been a handy talent just about then.

"You looking for something?" I looked down at the young woman who had just asked me the question while invading my personal space just a bit too much. Oh well, they told us in our trip orientation that the Chinese tended to do that. "Yeah, I'm looking for this children's store . . . ."

"Oh, you don't want to shop," she interrupted. "You should buy me coffee."

Hmmm. No, I don't want to buy you coffee.

"How about you buy me dinner and then I help you shop."

No, I'm not buying you dinner and you're not going shopping with me.

"Why, what's wrong with you? Don't you want to be my friend? I just want to be friends. We have good time."

Okay . . . buh-bye! A few quick strides and I was about half a block away (one advantage of being 6 feet tall) when a young man grabbed my arm. "You need a new watch." Uh, no, no new watch. "How about a bag for your lady?" No. "You need a CD? DVD? Your shoes ugly; you need new shoes."

Nope, don't need anything; xie xie, thanks for asking, gotta go now. And I left him in the wake of my quickening pace.

So I'm standing at a cross street, waiting to cut through the motorbikes and cabs like a contestant in a human Frogger game, when I feel another presence at my elbow. Different young woman, same spiel. "You want to buy me coffee?"

No.

"I just want to be friends. Don't you want to be my friend? If we be friends, we have good time."

No, not happening, not interested in being your friend . . . . hey, you see those German guys over there, I bet they want to be friends. And off I go; but guess who I run into?

"Hey, mister, you need a new watch. Wow, those some ugly shoes."

THEY ARE NOT UGLY SHOES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND NO, I DON'T NEED A WATCH.

"Don't have to be cranky about it." You're right; sorry. "You need CDs? DVDs? How about some shoes or cute girl?" Arrrggghhhh.

It pretty much went on like this for 4 or 5 blocks; I kept wondering, am I wearing some logo that translates as "Easy Mark" in Chinese?

Maybe the deepening scowl on my face dissuaded them from coming up to me anymore. The last young woman who wanted to be my friend kind of took the brunt of it.

"Look, lady, unless you're the CEO of a major life science research firm or the majority shareholder in an advanced technology company, no, I do not want to buy you coffee, have dinner with you, let you shop for me or be your friend. GOT IT?"

"Wow, you crazy man."

You better believe it, kiddo; go tell all your friends.